Several weeks ago, Snoop Dogg’s daughter Cori Broadus took to Instagram and posted black-and-white pictures of herself wearing a crop top and thong. Cori’s body type isn’t what you would see on your TV screens or plastered on the front page of a magazine, but nonetheless, she displayed confidence in herself and comfortability in her skin, despite how others may accept her, especially social media trolls.
Cori has previously opened up about accepting her skin and her body: “I can finally say I’m comfortable in my own skin,” she wrote in 2016. “Grew up despising the skin tone I was in because it’s been bashed on for so long & society has been putting in our heads that dark is ugly. For all you beautiful chocolate girls/ women out there you’re BEAUTIFUL & don’t let anyone tell you different.” In the same year, she also said that she was “learning to love & accept my body for what it is #chubs.”
Like Cori, confident people don’t just do and think certain things, they also avoid thinking and doing certain things. If you want to have more confidence, consider avoiding these things, too. It’s easier to climb a mountain without carrying a rock. Drop the habits and other behaviors that burden your ability to feel confident.
Without these obstacles getting in your way, you’ll create a new ceiling for your confidence. Make it as easy as possible to have confidence in yourself.
Avoid these confidence-destroying traps:
1. Negative self-talk. You can’t feel confident and say negative things, especially to yourself. If you want to feel positive about yourself, it helps to have a positive outlook. Negative thoughts drain away positive emotions, including the positive feeling of confidence.
2. Self-criticism. Remind yourself of your WINS or successes and keep self-criticism at bay. Be your strongest supporter.
3. Self-doubt. Confident people realize that not all self-doubt is a bad thing. Sometimes fear is a signal that you haven’t prepared enough for the big presentation, the recital, or the interview. Practicing what you plan to say and do will give your mind something to fall back on when the pressure is high. The voice of self-doubt may also be saying you need to get more information, move in a different direction, or take a break.
4. Fear feedback or conflict. A confident person can accept helpful feedback and act on it without getting defensive. When your sense of self-worth is no longer on the table, you can handle criticism or even outright rejection without allowing it to break you. By the same token, confidence doesn’t mean you mow other people down when a conflict arises. It’s possible to speak your mind with conviction and still make room to listen to someone else’s point of view and even reach a compromise.
5. Destructive people. Many of the people in your life don’t want to see your success rise too far above their own. If you want to maximize your self-confidence, it’s best to avoid these people as much as possible.
6. Complaining. Complaining is insidious. It suggests that you can’t fix the challenges in your life. Instead of complaining, work on solutions. Know in your heart that you can handle any challenge in your life and do it. As the saying goes, “He/She doesn’t give you what you can’t handle.”
7. Attention seeking. Confident people don’t need a lot of attention from others. If you’re confident in yourself, you’ll be too busy taking care of business to worry if others are paying attention. Only those lacking in confidence need attention and approval.
8. Worrying about what others are doing. Be confident that you have a good plan and are capable of executing it. Let everyone wonder what you’re doing instead of worrying about what they’re doing.
9. Allowing a lack of information or uncertainty to stop them. People that lack confidence need 100% certainty. Those that are confident can take action with far less than complete information. 70% is usually enough to get started. Be confident and get busy.
10. Avoiding making decisions. Rash decisions usually turn out poorly but taking too long to make a decision is ineffective, too. Confident people make decisions more quickly and easily than those that are lacking in confidence. Indecisiveness is just a form of procrastination.
11. Making excuses. Excuses are a way for those without confidence to justify quitting. If you’re confident, you don’t look for excuses. You look for solutions and then implement them. If you catch yourself making excuses, ask yourself why you’re doing it.
If you want to be confident, it makes sense to avoid these things. How confident are you? What would happen if you could become the most confident person you know? The difference in your life would be staggering.