The Quarantine Relationship Repair Checklist

You’re in a relationship, and you’re living with your partner. You were used to a certain amount of hours with your partner daily (outside of work and other life activities), but because of the Coronavirus pandemic, your relationship facetime is through the roof. Some of us are handling it well, communicating more, doing things together, such as watching TV and cooking, but others are not managing so well.

Being cooped up at home could be detrimental to relationships. In a recent report, United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres cited a sharp rise in domestic violence amid the global coronavirus lockdown.

“For many women and girls, the threat looms largest where they should be safest — in their own homes,” he said, appealing “for peace at home — and in homes — around the world.”

Divorce filings have also spiked since the COVID-19 outbreak. The prolonged time married couples are stuck at home on quarantine is said to be a contributing factor.

Move Incredible’s senior editor, Ms. Tiffanie, a New York State licensed Mental Health Clinician, has created the below checklist to help you solve some of your relationship dilemmas. If you did something wrong, correct it. If you can’t change what has been done, apologize and commit to not doing it again – and don’t. You will notice in the following examples that none of the statements say ‘you’ – they are ‘I’ statements.

When you need to stop a discussion from escalating, try saying one of the following:
• This is not going well – I need a break.
• I want to start over – can we do that?
• I think we are losing focus – can we try this again later?
• I need to get some perspective.
• I don’t want to do this – I need a time out.
• I want to revisit this later.
• This is not productive – I want to talk about it again tomorrow.

If you want to reach a compromise, try the following:
• Help me understand where you are coming from…
• I think I understand your point/perspective.
• This is making sense to me now.
• I agree with part of what you are saying.
• I agree.
• I never thought about it like that.
• What are our common goals?

When you need to calm down, try saying:
• I need to take a time out.
• Can we call a truce for now?
• I am not in a good place – I need to stop for now.
• I want to calm down – can we finish this later?
• I need to get centered.
• I need things to be calmer before we discuss this.

When you want to say you are sorry, try this:
• I overreacted – I am so sorry.
• I’m sorry – please forgive me.
• I really blew that – can I try again?
• Forgive me – I didn’t mean that.
• How can I make this better?

Let’s talk more about relationships: Contact me

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